Tag Archives: Guilt

Day 1136: Do you feel guilty for what other people do or don’t do?

I do not control the actions of others therefore I should not feel guilty for what they do or don’t do–that’s what I keep learning.

It’s 12 : 52 PM on day 1136 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to pray, brush my teeth, feed myself Bran Flakes and boiled egg for breakfast, read 1 Kings 15, publish my Disability of the Day feature, practice sitting up straight to strengthen my core muscles, stretch my hamstrings and spend time outside.

Yesterday something happened yet again which made me realize I do not control the actions of others therefore I should not feel guilty for what they do or don’t do I tend to feel guilty when my mom doesn’t get to go to some places because someone has to stay with me I tell her to go but she says it’s fine sometimes I feel like I’m sucking all the attention away from all my family members it’s really tough because I can’t blame God, my parents can’t blame me, my siblings can’t blame my parents…all of us are blameless in this situation. Do you feel guilty for what other people do or don’t do?

Day 1003: Having fun and not guilty feeling about it

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I deserve to have fun – that’s what I learned today 🙂

It’s 3 : 37 PM on day 1003 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, stretch my hamstrings, practice sitting up straight to strengthen my core muscles, feed myself an egg sandwich for breakfast, fix technical problems with the laptop – somehow malware got on this laptop and it was interfering with this blog thankfully it was an easy problem to fix – publish my Disability of the Day feature, pray, read Deuteronomy 20, tweet and Facebook about my campaign – no luck – and practice typing with both hands.

Today I realized I deserve to have some fun too for the longest time when I wasn’t helping people or bettering myself I would feel guilty like I was wasting my life or something but today I remembered the immortal words of John Lennon time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted. Do you feel guilty every time you do something pointless but fun?

Day 763

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I’m allowed to cry– that’s what I keep learning 🙂

It’s 1 : 20 PM on day 763 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to stretch my hamstrings, brush my teeth, publish my Disability of the Day feature, feed myself an avocado sandwich and banana for breakfast practice sitting up straight to strengthen my core muscles and practice typing with both hands.

As you may know most days I’m all about gratitude and looking on the bright side sadly today is not of those days the guilt I feel over the attention I take away from my siblings coupled with the fact that I need help to do most things that other people take for granted got to me and I just started balling thinking this is just too hard I don’t want to be this way sometimes I don’t want to ask could you help me get out of bed I just want to get up and get out of bed in one swift motion like everybody else does the fact that I can’t makes me so frustrated I wish everybody could spend one day in my body they would have a newfound appreciation for all that they can do. Do you allow yourself to cry when it all gets to be a little too much?

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Day 693

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The best way to repay those you love for all they’ve done for you is to live your best life– that’s what I keep learning 🙂

It’s 3 : 57 PM on day 693 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, publish blog post from the last three days – I wasn’t able to publish the posts due to technical issues one thing is for sure blogging is what I love to do I was itching to publish those posts 🙂 – work and feed myself an avocado sandwich for lunch.

Today as I watched my mother huff and puff while she was changing my clothes I couldn’t help looking up at her and thinking what have I done to you that moment reaffirmed my commitment to learning how to do things by myself I don’t know much about much but I do know that one day I will be able to take care of myself. Are you repaying those you love for all they’ve done for you in the best way possible?

I LOVE hearing from you feel free to leave a comment below.

Day 394

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Feeling guilty about things you cannot control can destroy you – that’s what I learned today 🙁

It’s 7: 11 PM on day 394 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself banana for breakfast, cry for a while–see why in the next paragraph – publish my Disability of the Day feature–I prepared it yesterday night – Facebook about my Clean Water For All Campaign – I scheduled some tweets for Twitter last night so I decided to focus on Facebook still no luck – rest for a while – I didn’t get enough sleep last night because I was up almost until midnight scheduling tweets for Twitter– feed myself rice and curry for lunch, watch TV, feed myself yoghurt for dinner and brush my teeth once more.

Today while my mother was trying to comb my sister’s hair she – my sister – said you didn’t take care of me when I was two so don’t try to take care of me now and as if to make me feel more guilty after she left for school my mother said she’s right I didn’t give her much care you were there and then Kevin was born which made me burst out into tears because I’ve always felt guilty about the fact that my sister got so little attention from my parents but now I realize that I didn’t ask to be born – yet I was – I didn’t ask to have Cerebral Palsy – yet I do – and I didn’t ask for my parents to give me more attention than they did my sister and brother – yet they did – that being said I don’t mean to trivialize the pain my siblings feel – you will NEVER hear me say I know they feel because I don’t – and I would like them to know that I’m really trying not to be an inconvenience to anyone in this house – I don’t eat or drink much, I limit my trips to the bathroom, I don’t ask to go anywhere or do anything and I only ask for help when it is absolutely necessary (honestly, do you guys think I would ask you to get the laptop for me if I could do it myself). Are you destroying yourself?

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://twitter.com/Nisha360

If you’ve given to my cause or you can’t give now, please help me by sharing my cause with others. You can tweet about it like my friend Stan Faryna. This is the tweet he uses: @Nisha360 is a brave, smart young woman trying to make a better world for us all. Please help her do an amazing thing. http://bit.ly/hC7vOu

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!

Day 299

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Whoever said every cloud has a silver lining was telling the God’s honest truth – that’s what I learned today.

It’s 7: 43 PM on day 299 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign – no luck –read My Kid Will Never Go To College on Kveller, That was Then, This is Now on Chaing Rainbows and Special needs things that make you go “ARRRGH!” on Love That Max – reading all three of these blog posts has made me fall in love with blogging all over again because although all three of these people are parents to kids who have “special needs” they all have different perspectives – feed myself rice and curry for lunch, prepare my Kid of the Week feature for tomorrow, listen to music, tweet about my campaign some more – still no luck 🙁 – feed myself avocado on whole-grain bread for dinner and brush my teeth once more.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts my grandmother has what appears to be Dementia – my family has taken her to a doctor and he says it’s just part of the aging process – and although I am deeply saddened that her mental health has taken a turn for the worse there is a tiny part of me – I can’t believe I’m actually typing this I feel SO guilty – that is happy that I am no longer the “sick one” in this family before I felt SO claustrophobic because my mother was with me 24/7 – apart from when she was sleeping or at work – now she’s too busy tailing my grandma to care what I’m doing. Do you see the silver lining in your dark cloud?

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://twitter.com/Nisha360

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!

Day 238

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Feeling guilty about something you have no control is a sure way to drive yourself crazy – that’s what I learned today 🙂

It’s 8: 03 PM on day 238 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself a banana for breakfast, tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign – no luck – feed myself Chapati and chicken curry for lunch, tweet some more about my campaign – still no luck 🙁 – watch TV and continue reading A Purloined Life – the first of two books in Stella Cameron‘s Charmed.

Today both housekeeper #1 and housekeeper #2 failed to show up for work – housekeeper #2 was put in place in case housekeeper #1 couldn’t make it to work on a given day – and I was consumed with guilt knowing that the reason my mother couldn’t go to work was because she had to stay home and take care of me but after a short while I realized that I got up every morning and tried to be the best that I could be and that that was more than enough. Have you ever felt guilty about something that you had no control over?

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://www.twitter.com/nisha360

if you’ve given to my cause or you can’t give now, please help me by sharing my cause with others. You can tweet about it like my friend Stan Faryna. This is the tweet he uses: @Nisha360 is a brave, smart young woman trying to make a better world for us all. Please help her do an amazing thing. http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/nisha-varghese/nishavarghese

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!

Day 232

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Feeling guilty that you have things that other people don’t have won’t change anything– that’s what I learned today

It’s 8: 08 PM on day 232 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself a polony sandwich for breakfast, tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign for a few hours – no luck – continued writing my novel – I started last year and have every moment of it so far 🙂 – feed myself rice and curry for lunch, watch TV and feed myself Batura – deep fried bread – for dinner.

Today I was feeling a little hungry so I asked my mom to go get me something from the kitchen and as I was eating I felt bad because I knew that not everybody was that lucky which is why I have decided to create Virginia’s Sandwich Run – an upcoming page on this blog dedicated to our late housekeeper, Virginia, which aims to raise enough money to make 48 sandwiches a week for the people in our current housekeeper’s neighbourhood. Do you feel guilty about inequality but fail to do anything about it?

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://www.twitter.com/nisha360

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!