Tag Archives: Ellen Seidman

Day 1345: How I deal with people who stare

“You likely won’t read this, but perhaps others like you will. Consider:

• My child may have visible differences. He may sound different than your child, and he may learn in different ways. But at heart he is still a kid. Just like yours he likes to laugh, play, love. He’s not as different as you might think.

• Think about the messages you will send to your child if you continue to stare-glare at children with disabilities. Maybe acceptance doesn’t matter to you, but you will be raising one narrow-minded kid. It will limit his experiences in this world.

• My child may not notice your stares now, but someday, he might. And that will make them even more cruel. Kids with disabilities have a hard time feeling included—how much more so if people look at them as if they are aliens.

• My kid has been through a lot in his young life. When he walks down a street, he is defying the doctors at the NICU who said he might not walk and who weren’t sure he would live. He has incredible strength. Adults who shoot him nasty looks are weak.

• No matter what: He is just a child. He deserves to walk down the street with whatever gait he has and not incur a stare-glare. He deserves respect.”

– Ellen Seidman, A note to the mom who stared at my child

It’s 12 : 21 PM on day 1345 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, pray, read Psalm 32, feed myself bran flakes, boiled egg and a banana for breakfast, publish my Disability of the Day feature, practice sitting up straight to strengthen my core muscles, stretch my hamstrings and promote my Eradicate AIDS campaign – still on $802.85 (sigh).

Yesterday I read A note to the mom who stared at my child – an open letter that Ellen Seidman wrote to a woman who stared at her son Max who has Cerebral Palsy – I could relate to this post like Max for the first few years of my life I was blissfully unaware of the rude stares that people were giving me but as time went on I started to notice the stares and at first I felt like a freak when people stared at me but now I just chalk the stares up to curiosity or ignorance and choose not to let it affect the way I feel about myself.

Day 318

Leave a reply

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. – Romans 12: 9

It’s 8: 04 PM on day 318 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, hang out with my mother – she didn’t go to work today because my brother was sick – feed myself Chapati and chicken curry for lunch, tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign – no luck – go visit my brother in hospital – he’d been wheezing the whole week and we finally took him to the hospital where the doctor decided to keep him until he’s chest clears truth-be-told I think he’s having a ball watching all this favorite TV shows with my mother to keep him company – watch TV and feed myself rice and curry for dinner.

A couple of days ago I read Slams against people with special needs…and one bit of awesome on Love That Max and I like Ellen – blogger at Love That Max – was furious with a commenter on News Aggregator who posted a picture of a little girl who has Down Syndrome with a caption underneath it that read I can count to potato although I didn’t know quite what to say to the media about how they portrayed “disabled” people until today HOW DARE YOU those of us have “disabilities” have to work twice as hard and twice as long to accomplish the simplest of tasks and quite frankly we don’t need to open magazines to find that everybody’s laughing at us and not with us furthermore if you are an editor of a magazine that allows tasteless comments to be published in your magazine I will come after you I maybe a small fish in a big pound but you will hear me when I roar. Do you hate what is evil but fail to do anything about it when you see it around you?

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://twitter.com/Nisha360

If you’ve given to my cause or you can’t give now, please help me by sharing my cause with others. You can tweet about it like my friend Stan Faryna. This is the tweet he uses: @Nisha360 is a brave, smart young woman trying to make a better world for us all. Please help her do an amazing thing. http://bit.ly/hC7vOu

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!

Day 269

Day 256

2 Replies

Life looks a lot different from someone else’s point of view – that’s what I learned today 🙂

It’s 7: 46 PM on day 256 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign –no luck – feed myself a polony sandwich for breakfast, exercise for a few hours, rest for a few hours – the power was out – watch TV, feed myself rice and curry for lunch, rest some more – I had a headache 🙁 – and brush my teeth once more.

As you know my mother and I have our ups and downs but today as I read Those Special Needs Mothers proud moments by Ellen (see excerpt below) – an American mother who has a son with Cerebral Palsy – I saw life through her eyes and I began to cry because although I often told my mother she was being too overbearing I never once told her that she had done enough so from this moment on I will hear my mother’s words with love and react accordingly. Are you in constant conflict with those you love because you can’t put yourself their shoes for a little while?

For most of life, I’m too busy doing things—or too immersed in worries—to give myself props for mommy-ing Max. Actually, the same is true for mommy-ing Sabrina, who comes with her her own challenges (most of which involve a stubborn streak the size of Texas). But Max gives me a certain kind of parenting insecurity. Plenty of times, I’m just not convinced I’m doing the right thing or helping him as much as I can (and I suspect I am not alone here in feeling this way about my child). I swear, I’d like my tombstone to read “She did enough.”

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://twitter.com/Nisha360

if you’ve given to my cause or you can’t give now, please help me by sharing my cause with others. You can tweet about it like my friend Stan Faryna. This is the tweet he uses: @Nisha360 is a brave, smart young woman trying to make a better world for us all. Please help her do an amazing thing. http://bit.ly/hC7vOu

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!

Day 245

4 Replies

You should stop trying to get new people to see the real you and start appreciating those who already do – that’s what I learned today 🙂

It’s 8: 46 PM on day 245 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself a chicken hotdog for breakfast, tweet and Facebook about my Clean Water For All Campaign –no luck – feed myself rice and curry for lunch, tweet about my campaign some more – wow the power of prayer never ceases to amaze me @bonuschief (Frank) made a donation – thanks God and Frank 🙂 – feed myself an orange for dinner and brush my teeth once more.

Today I was reading In the inner circle, there’s no “weird” by Ellen (see excerpt below) – an American mother who has a son with Cerebral Palsy – and I realized that whenever I met new people I was trying to get them to see the real me but no more if you can accept me in the rapper that I’m in then I’ll welcome you with open arms if not, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Do you try to get new people to like you or choose to hang out with people who already do?

I have been thinking a lot lately about how people see Max. This is not simply because I want him to fit in, so to speak. I ache for people to look beyond his disabilities and see the charming, funny, smart, complex kid I know. I want them to see Max, all of Max. Not just a child with cerebral palsy.

Then I got a grip: In the special needs community, there is no such thing as weird. For the people at the programs we go to, the teachers at Max’s school, the therapists in his life: quirky is the norm. I may have a ways to go to get the world at large to see the wonderfulness of Max. But in the inner circle of special needs that we inhabit, he is who he is—and people usually adore him for it.

Are we connecting on Twitter? If not, say hi at http://www.twitter.com/nisha360

Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.

Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!