Feeling guilty about things you cannot control can destroy you – that’s what I learned today 🙁
It’s 7: 11 PM on day 394 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself banana for breakfast, cry for a while–see why in the next paragraph – publish my Disability of the Day feature–I prepared it yesterday night – Facebook about my Clean Water For All Campaign – I scheduled some tweets for Twitter last night so I decided to focus on Facebook still no luck – rest for a while – I didn’t get enough sleep last night because I was up almost until midnight scheduling tweets for Twitter– feed myself rice and curry for lunch, watch TV, feed myself yoghurt for dinner and brush my teeth once more.
Today while my mother was trying to comb my sister’s hair she – my sister – said you didn’t take care of me when I was two so don’t try to take care of me now and as if to make me feel more guilty after she left for school my mother said she’s right I didn’t give her much care you were there and then Kevin was born which made me burst out into tears because I’ve always felt guilty about the fact that my sister got so little attention from my parents but now I realize that I didn’t ask to be born – yet I was – I didn’t ask to have Cerebral Palsy – yet I do – and I didn’t ask for my parents to give me more attention than they did my sister and brother – yet they did – that being said I don’t mean to trivialize the pain my siblings feel – you will NEVER hear me say I know they feel because I don’t – and I would like them to know that I’m really trying not to be an inconvenience to anyone in this house – I don’t eat or drink much, I limit my trips to the bathroom, I don’t ask to go anywhere or do anything and I only ask for help when it is absolutely necessary (honestly, do you guys think I would ask you to get the laptop for me if I could do it myself). Are you destroying yourself?
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Stan’s very sweet for saying so, but feel free to write what reflects you best.
Thanks to all my friends out there who are helping me make my dream come true: to make a better world for all of us!
Hi Nisha!
Isn’t it great that when we do things we weren’t asked to do or to be, everyone might benefit?
And, yes, everyone’s pain is serious to them. They may not ask you to understand it – but you do.
Asking is probably another form of controlling.
And who says that only two-year-olds need care? I hope your sister will take care of the two-year-old she once was and the two-year-olds that are in her life now.
Made me think a lot about pain, discomfort and inconvenience and how different people might experience them in different ways – and they might make us feel the same. Do they bring us close or do they drive us far apart?
We are matter – and we matter.
Hi Nisha
This made me cry. I just wish I
could bring you here and take
care of you as my own daughter.
As you know we have 8 children
and 6 are special needs I would
never say any thing mean to them.
I’ve pushed all 4 of our girls hair since
they was babies, even our boys hair to.
I still bush our 14 and 16 year old girls
hair not because they can’t do it they can
but i want to. To they like it.
I learned when I was a young mom you
can’t teach your children differently and
you need to included them in what ever
your doing even if you have 1 child 8.
Hi Bonnie,
Sorry I’m already taken LOL my family is not perfect but without them I wouldn’t who I am 🙂 I agree with you about treating all your kids the same 🙂
Yours truly,
Nisha
I don’t know who said that 🙂 I hope so too and you’re quite right we are matter and we matter 🙂
Yours truly,
Nisha
Hi Nisha
I’m glad you feel that way. But you are so
special and no one should be treat like you
make you feel bad because you needed more
attention than the other kids.
I’m so glad that what I’ve done with our children
because it has made them understand more about
others with disability. They are more likely to be friends
with a child or person that have special needs than with
some one popular because they tease the other kids.
I know Bonnie thanks 🙂 I’m glad too 🙂
Yours truly,
Nisha