Dear God help me not to be jealous– that’s the prayer I’ve added recently

It’s 12 : 11 PM on day 2543 of my journey towards independence and I managed to pray, read Genesis 12:2-3, have breakfast  and promote my 50 New Feet Campaign benefiting MiracleFeet – raised to $3 290 only $9 210 more to raise by June 17, 2018 to help 50 kids with clubfoot .

This morning I heard that someone I know my age may be getting married and I tried so hard to be happy for him (I really did) I was trying so hard to squash down the green-eyed monster inside of me but the more I pushed down the more it seemed to come up I told my mom to share any happy news with me and I said I wouldn’t get jealous I guess I overestimated myself but I’ll keep praying that I become the non-jealous version of myself someday (when I was younger I never really noticed any differences between me and my peers because I did most of the things they did but now with them getting married and starting families of their own  the differences between them and I are glaringly obvious – I don’t think I’m even jealous that they’re getting married and starting families I’m just jealous that I may never which sucks because I love kids and if things were different I know I would have made a very loving mother).