Tag Archives: Pain

Day 3046: Riding Out My Storms

Sometimes all you can do is ride out the storm – that’s what I’ve realized.

It’s 11: 55 AM on day 3046 since I started blogging and I managed to pray, read a Bible verse, and do some work

This morning I was lying in bed when all of a sudden I felt extremely painful spasms at the bottom of my left foot – sometimes they happen in both feet other times just in one – they happen so infrequently and at unexpected times that I’ve never seen the point in seeking medical help for it (taking medication on an ongoing bases for something that may or may not happen on a given day, no thanks) when they happen I just lie there and silently wait for the storm to pass and nobody in the house is none the wiser (maybe someday I’ll tell them the extent of the physical pain but right now I don’t see the point in spilling my guts it would only make them feel powerless they didn’t cause my Cerebral Palsy nor can they take away the physical pain that comes with it (there’s very little I can do to help my family so I’ll spare them the horror story of the pain and discomfort I endure daily)).

Day 2730: I Know My Strength In God

strength

[image source: http://quotesnhumor.com/top-25-strength-quotes-and-sayings/]

 

Life tests you to show you your own strength in God – that’s what I’ve realized.

 

It’s 12 : 42  PM on day 2730 of my journey towards independence and I managed to pray, read  Proverbs 14:27 and promote my 50 New Feet Campaign benefiting MiracleFeet – raised  $8 906 only $3 594 more to raise by June 17, 2018 to help 50 kids with clubfoot (thanks so much to everyone who has helped out so far).

 

 

Yesterday I went to my orthopedic surgeon to have my wounds checked I now have a new set of bandages on both my right hand and left foot (they left my heel uncovered this time) but that wasn’t the most painful part before dressing me with the new bandage I had to get the stitches on my wrist pulled all I wanted to do was scream louder than I’ve ever screamed but mom was freaking out, my dad was visibly uncomfortable though he didn’t say anything and my 17-year-old brother was just standing there watching  and at times wincing (there was a point during the pulling of the stitches that my brother caught me watching the nurse pulling the stitches and said don’t look after which he took his hands and covered my eyes it was just so sweet it makes me cry even now as I remember it) and so because everybody around me was visibly traumatized I chose to suppress my internal screams and keep it together. Nobody will ever know how much pain I was in yesterday because not a tear fell from my eyes but I will forever know the depth and breadth of my strength when I’m connected to God.

 

Day 2725: The Mind and Pain

Where your focus goes energy flows-that’s what I’ve been reminded of

 

I’m trying to keep my body parts absolutely still to avoid causing myself undue pain so no more typing for me except to say thank you J Le Grange for your $50 donation to my campaign yesterday.

 

Today I discovered that when I’m focused on the good being done or the good I have left to do my pain either disappears or is considerably less … the mind is absolutely fascinating.

Day 2709: Look to Grow

Look to grow from every experience – that’s my message to the world.

 

It’s 1 : 58 PM on day 2709 of my journey towards independence and I managed to pray, read Isaiah 54:10,  have breakfast and promote my 50 New Feet Campaign benefiting MiracleFeet –   A HUGE thanks to Beverly who donated $50   which brings the total raised to  $7 481 only $5 019 more to raise by June 17, 2018 to help 50 kids with clubfoot.

 

After yesterday and hearing that I will be undergoing toe and wrist surgery on February 22nd everybody has been extra to me my dad bought my favourite rusks (that’s what he does when he can’t fix things he buys things I appreciate it sadly he can’t buy me a body with fully functional parts), my mom is being a  tad more clingy and even my brother is less himself than usual meanwhile this morning I found myself waiting for them to get out of the house so I could cry in peace without making anyone feel powerless (I seldom cry in front of my family especially when they are powerless to fix whatever’s happening – imagine being without the power to help that which you  brought into the world I’m not going to let my parents see just how much my life hurts instead I’m going to suck it up and choose to grow from all of life’s experiences).

Day 2610: Beauty and Pain

Do the little things that make you happy it really makes a big difference– that’s my message to the world.

 

It’s 12 : 30  PM on day 2610 of my journey towards independence and I managed to pray,  read  Psalm 85:8, and promote my 50 New Feet Campaign benefiting MiracleFeet – A HUGE thanks to the Jindalee Foundation who donated $100 yesterday which brings the total raised to  $4 488 only $8 012 more to raise by June 17, 2018 to help 50 kids with clubfoot.

 

 

Today in the middle of doing everything I just stopped to stare at our Jacaranda tree full of purple flowers and in that moment I was reminded that though there is immense pain in this world there is also immense beauty. If you look around and can’t find the beauty in life then be the beauty in life by showing up and being kinder than necessary.

 

Day 1819: Going through the pain and darkness

“Stars can’t shine without darkness”― D.H. SidebottomFragile Truths

 

It’s 12: 00 PM on day 1819  of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to pray, read Luke 9,    publish my Disability of the Day feature,    have breakfast,  learn one new thing – Garrulous [gar·ru·lous] adj. Excessively talkative, especially on trivial matters. “A garrulous reprimand.”–   and promote my Educate Generations campaign – $4 710 raised  so far (thanks so much guys I’m so grateful 🙂 ).

 

A while ago I read stars can’t shine without darkness and I read it again today it is so true we as people avoid pain and seek pleasure but anybody who has come through any sort of darkness will tell you that instead of trying to manoeuvre around pain and darkness you should go through it because it is in the darkness that we shine the brightest.

Day 965: Turning pain into purpose

When you use your struggles to help others pain turns into purpose  – that’s what I keep learning 🙂

It’s  3  : 24 PM on day 965 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself sweet potatoes with yogurt for breakfast,  publish my Disability of the Day feature, publish my  Kid of the Week feature,   pray, read Numbers 18, practice typing with both hands and  practice sitting up straight to strengthen my core muscles.

Today I woke up to read this question from Anchel Krishna who blogs at Today’s Parent What does it feel like? Specifically I am wondering does it ever feel frustrating because your mind is telling your body or body part to take a specific action but your body just won’t cooperate? Or does it feel differently than that? to which I replied in part yes it’s hugely frustrating you move to do something but somewhere along the line it’s like your brain misinterprets your message. it’s great that I can speak for kids who are in the same position I was in growing up it makes me feel like there’s a purpose for me having Cerebral Palsy. Have you turned your pain into purpose?

I LOVE hearing from you feel free to leave a comment below.

Day 215

You cannot be your mother’s confidant – that’s what I learned today 🙁

It’s 9: 36 PM on day 215 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, feed myself a bread and jam sandwich for breakfast, , make sandwiches for the people in our housekeeper’s neighborhood (if you have no idea what I am talking about refer to ‘Day 184’) – it was a nightmare we had to make 6 loafs because 3 wasn’t enough I ended up crying out of frustration which was embarrassing to say the least hopefully it won’t be like this next week:) – tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign for a few hours – no luck today – feed myself rice and curry for lunch, watch TV and watch She’s Out Of My League starring Jay Baruchel, Alice Eve, T.J. Miller on DVD – it was about learning to believe that you deserve the best in life and although the storyline was really sweet the raunchiness of it all ruined the movie.

Sitting at the dining table making sandwiches my mom looked at me and said your dad left me in the rain and told me to go into the hospital with someone else – they were meant to go visit this kid who had been in a scooter accident together – he looked at me and said who would go anywhere with you my mother continued wiping her tears with the inside of her palm and in that moment I suppressed the urge to wring my father’s neck and attempted to soothe my mother but after an hour of hearing her whine I was reaching the end of my rope and blurted out either get a divorce or shut up not because I liked or even loved my father but because I didn’t have the strength to carry my pain as well as hers. Do you burden your children with your problems?