Influence: the power that somebody has to affect other people’s thinking or actions by means of argument, example, or force of personality,

Many people have had an influence on me over the course of my life. My mom who taught me the value of perseverance by deciding to learn how to drive in her late 30’s – it took her a while but, she got there in the end. My dad who taught me that I already had everything I thought I needed from the world within me. My cousins taught how to love through the simple act of reading me a fairytale.   Nelson Mandela – who I’ve never laid my eyes on – taught me that you cannot chose what happen to you but, you can choose how you react to it. Oprah Winfrey – who I hope to meet someday – taught me that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by dreaming big. Laura – who I met on Twitter a couple of months ago – taught me that you can leave a lasting impression on someone’s heart in spite of geographical location.

If every human being is indeed a human becoming then that would mean that I am the sum total of all those who have influenced me.

Pretty is an adjective often used to describe people like Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks but, not everyone looks like Gisele, Heidi or Tyra – no matter how much they want to. According to today’s media if a woman does not fit the ‘pretty criteria’ then you don’t fit in anywhere.

The ‘pretty criteria’ – is a list of attributes that a girl must possess in order to be considered pretty. The pretty criteria is as follows:

• Blond hair
• Blue eyes
• Weighs between a 120-140 lbs (48-56 kgs)
• Legs up to the ceiling

 What is difference between pretty and beautiful? Pretty is the appearance of your physical body and beautiful is loving your appearance while still acknowledging your physical imperfections and so  even though I don’t posses even one of the attributes on the ‘pretty criteria’ I still consider myself beautiful because I love the way I look in spite of my imperfections.

There have been many books written about love, many movies made about how love is supposed be and many songs written but, I still found myself confused as to what love really was – until today that is.

I am Christian and even though I know that not everyone is there is a passage in the Bible that beautifully explains what love would be in a perfect world. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”— 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I’ve always prided myself on my ability to love perfectly until one day a few weeks ago when  I found out my cousin – who is the closest thing to an older sister that I’ve ever had – was getting married – that night I was filled with this great sense of loss and sadness – not because I didn’t want her to be happy – but because I knew that once she got married things would never be the same again between us and today morning while I was lying on my bed and staring at the calling I suddenly realized that love is allowing the other person to grow into themselves even if that means that they won’t be as prominent in the landscape of your life as they  once were  and one day when the shoe is on the other  foot it is my greatest hope that she will love me enough to do the same for me.

We learn lessons everyday – we learn how to add, subtract, multiply, divide, read and write – but the most important we learn are not from books or in the classroom – I am not saying those lessons aren’t important because they are – but by the same token I do believe that there are some things that you can only learn through experience.     

People want different things at different stages of their lives – when I was younger I would have said done and become friends with anyone just to fit in with the ‘cool crowd’ – to gain the love, respect and acceptance of the world – but last year – just a few months after my 18^th birthday – I learned something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life: you can only get from the world what you give to yourself.

When you interact with another human being I believe the other person sees how you treat yourself and treats you accordingly so if you want love, respect and acceptance from the world then love, respect and accept yourself and others will follow suit.

Who do you want be? The answer to that question will be different depending on who you ask – some people want to be lawyers, some people want to doctors while others just want be anybody, but who they are.

People spend thousands of dollars and max out their credit cards all to buy the ridiculously expensive bag that their favourite celebrity was seen carrying – which by the way designers give them for free to con people like you and me into buying the bag – and the saddest part is that most people buy the bag just to have some kind of connection to their favourite celebrity – whoever it may be. People say “I want to be Bayonce” and although I did want Oprah at one point in my life I quickly came to realize that Oprah’s life was already taken – by Oprah herself.

The trouble with wanting to be someone else is that while you’re over there trying to Bayonce or whoever your favourite celebrity is you’re missing out on the gift that is you and that to be is travesty because I know that there will never be another you in the history of humanity – there might be someone with the same first and last name as you but, you are a piece of art made by God so stop trying to be someone else and just be yourself.

There are two ways to live life – neither one being more right than the other – some people live their lives with a checklist of things they feel should do because it’s what society expects of them  – I call that living a ‘planned life’ – while others are lead by something greater than themselves and just make up a checklist as they go along – I call that living a ‘buried life’.

My fifteen-year-old sister is a perfect example of someone who is living a ‘planned life’ – she’s a straight A student and dreams of becoming a Charted Accountant – or maybe I should say my father dreamt of becoming a Charted Accountant and because he couldn’t he is now vicariously through her. I can’t help wondering how my sister is going to feel years from now when she realizes that she’s living my father’s dream and not her own. I wake up every day thanking my lucky stars that I’m disabled –  had I been able-bodied my father would’ve probably lived vicariously me instead so essentially being disabled has enabled be to peruse my dreams without fear of failure because no one expects me to succeed at anything I do anyway so if I do it’s a bonus.

Unlike my sister I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next five years – which can either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you choose to look at it –  but, you know what I’m going to have a lot of fun getting there because I’ve realized that the key to uncovering my’ buried life’ is to be present for every moment of this journey that we call life so my advice to you is to try something different and if you don’t succeed the first time then just get up and try again because I believe that every failure is just another step closer to success.

Humans are naturally curious creatures and it is that curiosity that has led us to the greatest scientific discoveries and has even enabled man to step on the moon but, some forms of curiosity can be considered very rude and deeply hurtful.

Being disabled has been both a blessing and a  curse at different stages of my life but, had I not been disabled I wouldn’t have the unique perspective that I have today – people tend to define other people by their labels – doctor, lawyer, teacher, mother, wife – but when I look at someone I try to see all of who they are and see him/her as a human being as opposed to just seeing their label because I know what it feels like when someone takes one look at you and decides right then and there what you can and cannot do – it is incredibly demoralizing and not to mention  condescending – and I just refuse to do that to another human being.

Next time you encounter someone that is a little different from you and you feel like staring I encourage you to go up to that person, introduce yourself and ask them to tell you about their disability/affliction because I believe at the end of the day the eradication of stigma – and sometimes fear – can only be attained through education.

What is the difference between a winner and a loser? I never really gave much thought to what the answer to that question would be until one evening when I watching this South African lifestyle show called Top Billing where a South African soap opera actor – I forgot what his name was –   was quoted as saying “a winner is just loser who doesn’t quit” and when I heard that the hairs on the back of my head literally stood up.

As you know from my first post  Who I am I attempted to raise $1 000 for UNICEF and although I would exactly say I failed – having raised $5 – I will say that I didn’t raise as much money as I expected to and looking back on it I realize that I gave up the moment my father said “no one is going to donate” so essentially I chose to believe in what my father said about me rather than believe in myself.

On March 5^th 2010 I started  Clean Water for All Campaign – it’s primary aim is  to raise $4 500 for The Water Project, Inc and thereby  provide clean and sustainable water for the people who live in the rural areas of Africa and India. I believe that this time I will succeed in achieve my goal not because my father had suddenly become supportive of my philanthropic efforts – he in fact repeated what he said the “no one is going to donate” – but because this time I chose to turn a deaf ear to his negativity and continued doing what I felt was right thing to do and I’m happy to say that my campaign has raised $2 027 for The Water Project, Inc. 

Click on the link below to make a donation – campaign ends on the 5^th March 2011.

 http://www.firstgiving.com/nishavarghese

Our  cross-country trip from one end of South Africa to the other.  I apologize in advance for the lack of pictures – they’re are on my desktop computer. 

7/10/2009

Today we drove twelve hours to Cape Town on a bus and collected Betty aunty & family from Cape Town International Airport

7/11/2009

Today we went to Sea Point – took pictures – Boulder National Park – saw penguins – Cape Point – saw the exact point where the Indian and Atlantic ocean meet – and V & A Waterfront – ate at Spur.

7/12/2009

Today we went to the Grand West Casino, Vred En Lust Wine Estate and Canal Walk – ate lunch at Annapurna – it was not a five-star restaurant but, it was good enough to eat if you know what I mean –   bought a book watched the movie Transformers 3 – It was actually quite funny –and ate Debonairs Pizza.

7/13/2009         

Today we ate lunch at Anat – it tasted absolutely horrible – went to Robbin Island – it was an emotional experience for me to think a great man such as Nelson Mandela could be caged in prison for twenty-seven years just for standing up for what he believed in – and ate at Spur.

7/14/2009

Today we went to Table Mountain – it was freezing cold and so cloudy you could barely see a thing and stopped at Knynsa on our way to East London.

7/15/2009

Today we went to the Knynsa Lagoon – took pictures – drove seven hours back home to East London   and surfed the net – checked my mail.

7/24/2009

We drove ten hours to Johannesburg and I continued reading my book A New Earth.

7/25/2009

We went to Pilanesburg National Park – saw virtually nothing – Sun City (Lost City) and ate lunch at Squires – the soup and the dessert were awesome the main course not so much.

7/26/2009

Today we went to The Pretoria Zoo – saw the big five and so much more and it was awesome – ate at Taj Mahal – the prawn curry was awesome –  and Gold Reef City – I was board out of my skull.     

7/27/2009

Today we drove six hours to Durban, went to Ushaka Marine World-went to Wreck Aquarium, ate at Spur, went to the dolphin show-it was awesome –and went to Gateway-and watched the movie Ghosts of a Girlfriend Past-it was awesome and weird because we were the only ones in the theatre.

7/28/2009

Today we drove seven hours from Durban to East London, ate KFC surfed the net – checked my mail – and watched TV.

There are some people that you meet in this life that you never quite forget I’m not talking about celebrities or politicians I am talking about ordinary who give the best of themselves to the world and the people around them.  One such person in my life was a wonderful woman by the name of Virginia Mavuza.

Virginia – a twenty-year-old young woman with eight fingers and one thumb – she chose to have her other thumb cut off and have her cheeks scored with a dull blade as part of a rite-of-passage that every African woman of a certain age must partake in – came looking for work as a housekeeper in my home even before I was born so Virginia is a part of every one of my childhood memories – she fed, clothed us and sung to us.  My mother would never admit it but, I think she was really hurt that we never shed a tear when she left for work, she would be like “okay guys I’m leaving for work now” and we would be “Virginia can you sing us a song”. I remember this one time she put a hot iron on my right thigh – totally by accident – the poor thing apologized profusely but, the burning of my skin wasn’t the real story, the real story lies in the fact that even after she ACCIDENTLY put a hot iron on my thigh it never once crossed their minds that they should fire her because they knew that she would NEVER intentionally hurt either me or my sister.

When my parents chose to move us to the ‘big city’ we asked Virginia if she wanted to come with us, she said no – she wanted to live close to her son – so she stayed behind and worked for my aunt and her husband – who lived next door – and every time Virginia heard we were coming back to visit my aunt she would literally be waiting to open the gate for us – it was the sweetest thing. I will never forget our last conversation she wanted me to tell her everything that was going on in my life and I remember being so annoyed because I wanted to get back to the movie I was watching anyway before we knew it the weekend was over and it was time to head back home she help me put on the seatbelt, shut the passenger-seat door and said “see you next time”.

A few months later, we receive a call from my aunt saying Virginia had been hospitalized for complications of hypertension so I’m thinking they are going to give her medication and she’s going to be as-good-as -new but, two days later we get another call from my aunt telling us that Virginia had passed – in that moment I knew the true meaning of heart-break. I was crying for days because I believed there was nothing left of Virginia   and then one day I was in front of a full-length mirror – naked – and I caught a glimpse of my right-thigh – with the ugly burn mark that I had been trying to erase for over half my life – as I was looking at my scar it occurred to me that just like the scar the love that Virginia and I share will never disappear and now every time I look at my scar I remember just how much Virginia loved me