Day 2442: My Secret Heartbreak

The feelings you’re brave enough to feel will never devour you– that’s what I have realized.


It’s 11: 36 AM on day 2442 of my journey towards independence and I managed to pray, read Romans 5: 5,   have breakfast and learn a new word – Definitions for ultracrepidarian 1.
noting or pertaining to a person who criticizes, judges, or gives advice outside the area of his or her expertise: The play provides a classic, simplistic portrayal of an ultracrepidarian mother-in-law. 2. an ultracrepidarian person.


Recently I found myself having to admit to myself that I feel the need to do all these crazy things (ziplining, paragliding, etc) because I probably will never do the one thing I would love to do which is become a mother someday I have always pictured a happy life with an imperfect life partner and a bunch of little ones which is medically possible for me (I think) but even if I was able to find a special person who could see past my body and into my soul I want the best for any kids I may have I want to run after them and tumble in the grass, I want to throw them up in the air and know that my reflexes will be quick enough to catch them…I want for any kids I may have a better mother than I know I can ever be so although it breaks my heart even if things worked out in such a way that I could have kids I’m 75% sure I would choose not to.

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